Life on the Hill

I caught up with some friends this past week, who are in the medical profession and asked them about my recent bout with that recent show. It was suggested that I found my boundaries. Which duh, I guess so! Anyhow I was going to see a concert with some friends here soon and after all that I had gone through I was really ready to give up my tickets.

The more I think about it the more stress and foreboding it causes me to put myself in that kind of position. I have tickets for shows through march at different venues and I really don’t want to attend any of them. I guess the truth is I am kinda scared.

Music has always created so much happiness and comfort in my life, and right now I am feeling not good about it.

I’ve got some questions…Like how much is too much? Can to much of a good thing make me crazy? How can I desensitize myself and is that possible? Or will I always have to get a seat on the left or right 5 to 10 rows back at the end for easy exits.

I leave a concert willingly at least 2-3 times to catch a break. I’m the person that will willingly go get beers just to get out for that breather .

I really don’t want to end up with problems, right now its fun (use to be anyways)and I would like to keep it that way.

Note…I can’t believe I put myself in such a compromising and stupid position! Yet it was bound to happen sooner or later I guess. That last show was miserable and I hate that it was because in different circumstances I would have enjoyed it.

While I was out, I got this really weird vibe from someone. Not a bad one but indescribable. Enough for me to avoid them. I’m not sure why it was so foreign. I normally go on my gut instinct with people and this was just strange. I am not sure if I will ever come across anyone like that again. I have to admit I am curious to meet them now, but at the time I just wasn’t feeling all that adventurous.

How lucky could I be to hold out for love and to find it. If it’s real I can honestly say that I am the luckiest person alive. How could one person be so fortunate? To think that is almost like I am tempting fate. If for all the right reasons this works it self out I will be astonished.

The real deal don’t have to say a word I can see it in their eyes, the longing, the happiness they create by just thinking of them. I am floored.

Funny someone asked me “If I would like to be in Time Square when the ball dropped this year?!” My reply was “It doesn’t really matter, because it’s not where you’re at, but who you’re with when the ball drops and the clock strikes 12!”

I maybe absent for a little while….I am preparing for the new year!

If I had the money to run and go see him, I would not hesitate. But I don’t and perhaps that is the line in the sand that will separate us.

You could not give me any amount of money in exchange for this feeling of love. This is priceless.

Recently I was at a show and had the most incredible seat. But 80% of the show was like I was blind. There was so much sound that I didn’t see and can’t remember it. It was like my senses shut down. I was literally blind it was very uncomfortable, everything was white. While I heard everything I could not process the basic visuals of my surroundings. I will never do that again, it leaves me with reservations to see other shows. At one point I would have given anything to have gotten up and retreated to another spot.

It is just plain unnerving to have someone in your head all the time.

Live Music at point blank range screws me up! I now know why I never sit front and center!

I know you made a lot of things possible. I just wanted to thank you.

I believe that me and this guy are so in the same place about each other. That its become painful and even comical to watch us keep missing!

We need an intervention

Here’s the truth, I am in love but I am waitng for him to contact me.
If it is “True Love” he will understand why I am so shy around him and he will know who he is!
Why else would I go out of my way to see him

I woke up this morning and realized that being in love with someone is awesome. Even if they don’t have the same feelings for you the love that fills you reminds you that everything in life has its beauty. I feel fortunate to feel this way because I can pass on the happiness I have. Love is divine and truely inspirational I could never feel heartbroken, because I have felt love. What a beautiful Christmas present I have recieved. I am so lucky.

Thank you for your support! Wishing you a Merry Christmas and happy 2012. Hopefully all will work its self out for both of us!

I am truely a hot mess! I have never in my life felt like this and its a scarey thing, to know someone can level you.

I am honestly terrified, I don’t know what to do.

I’d tell him but I clam up everytime i see him, and what ever does come out of my mouth doesn’t make any sense.

I am an articulate well spoken women and this guy has the ability to reduce me to a child.

I need to figure this thing out quick it is driving me nuts!!!!!!

I hope everybody’s Christmas is filled with love and happiness.

I decieded to go, catch a plane next week. This should be interesting!